The Angry Gay™

Presumably Heterosexual Seattle-Area Pastor Ken Hutcherson Cannot Stop Thinking About The Gays

2006-01-17T12:28:00.000-08:00

Yet another Pastor has his undies in a bunch and is going to announce a boycott of all the gay-loving corporations! Oooh, he really means it!

The impetus for his political action? No, his work has nothing to do with helping the poor or the homeless, nor those devastated by natural disaster, nor those coping with war-related loss and grief. It's not about improving the schools. He's not teaching adults to read. His work doesn't even minister to the everyday needs of his congregation. No, Rev. Hutcherson is on a mission to keep the world safe for firing homos.

For almost 30 years, the Washington state legislature has introduced and failed to pass a bill that would give The Gays there some basic civil rights protection from discrimination in employment, housing, and insurance. But now some big corporations are supporting the bill and it looks like the votes are there this year. And so it is time for action!

So, look out Microsoft and Boeing, Nike and Hewlett Packard -- Pastor Ken Hutcherson of the awesome Antioch Bible Church in that influential suburb of, umm, Redmond, is about to bring you bitches to your knees.

AFA Bangs Its Head against Ford's Bumper

2006-01-11T17:02:00.000-08:00

Fresh from their humiliation last month, the increasingly pathetic American Family Association head Don Wildmon unbunched his undies just long enough to write a snippy letter to Ford.

Somehow, he's crying about harm to thousands of Ford dealers -- though his logic is ... umm ... nonexistent. What's more, I can't figure out any link between decent hardworking Ford dealers and the nutball AFA. One might say, in response to the AFA speaking on behalf of Ford dealers: "sit your ass down."

Anyhoo, Donny ends with a demand that Ford respond in writing by January 20. And there's the faint whiff of an "or else" boycott threat.

What part of "YOU LOSE" was hard for Don Wildmon to understand?

The best part of this is we get to watch, all over again, Ford Motor Company tell Wildmon and the AFA to fuck off and mind their own damn business. Sweet.

Georgia Girl Likes to Kiss Girls, Christian School Expels Her

2006-01-11T16:50:00.000-08:00

So goddess bless little Jessica Bradley, kicked out of her Covenant Christian Academy in Loganville, Georgia for kissing other girls once or twice, away from school. Jessica and her father are suing the school, blah blah etc.

Here's the thing: is it news that Christian schools dislike all things gay? I'm all for suing the evildoers, but you can't exactly say that you didn't know girl-girl smooches would be frowned upon by the Bible-thumping school administrators.

So, good luck with the lawsuit and thanks for reminding everyone how mean and stupid and unfair Christian schools can be. But the best result here? Jessica gets moved to a different school -- hopefully one that welcomes and respects its queer teens! Testify!

Washington State Rep. Mike Armstrong: Another Stupid Republican, or Just Absent When the Whole "Checks and Balances" Thing Was Taught in 9th Grade?

2006-01-06T21:22:00.000-08:00

For the millionth time, idiot Republican lawmakers: you are not the only branch of government here in the U.S. of A.

State Rep. Mike Armstron (R-Wenatchee) and his cronies are pissing in their pants worried that the Washington State Supreme Court could any day now rule that they can't keep The Gays from all the marriage goodies.

Displaying his breathtaking grasp of American constitutional jurisprudence, Armstrong let loose with this gem: "We believe that the courts don't have the right to go in and change law that the Legislature has passed."

Huh?!? That's EXACTLY what the courts have the right to do -- the obligation to do -- when the hater legislative majority stomps its boot down onto the neck of an identifiable group of people for no good reason! Holy shit, can someone at least go over the basics with these guys before they're allowed to make laws? You do not get the only say on what the law is in the State of Washington. Your Supreme Court gets to interpret the laws you write and gets to strike down the truly stupid, hateful, unfair, and noxious legislative sludge that you have crapped out into the world.

One piddling 2-year term in a state House of Representatives did not give you morons unlimited power. Calm the fuck down ... and prepare to lose on gay marriage.

Antigay Baptist Minister Lonnie Latham, Hungry for Cock, Arrested in Tulsa

2006-01-05T18:57:00.000-08:00

I'm back, bitches. (Even angry gays need a holiday.)

It's this kind of story that puts the angry in The Angry Gay: the Reverend Lonnie Latham, senior pastor of the South Tulsa Baptist Church, was arrested for trying to get from and/or give a blowjob to an undercover police officer. Of course, in his professional life Latham has fought against same-sex marriage and urged gays to find a cure through Jesus Christ. In his personal life, however, Latham appears to be a cocksucker or, at the very least, a cocksucker-wannabe.

So I'm pissed about the obvious: another antigay-religious-freak-by-day working to make our lives less delightful while, under cover of night, seeking some hot and wet man-on-man action. Just how many of these guys are out there? It makes me want to scream but, ultimately, it's just pathetic and sad, isn't it? What kind of twisted life is that guy living, the poor thing. (I'm feeling all sympathetic, in this post-Brokeback Mountain era.)

But I'm also pissed about this, Tulsa: a man asks a guy if he'd like a blowjob up in his hotel room, and the police arrest him for "offering to engage in an act of lewdness." From what I can tell, he was not suggesting a hummer out in public. He was inviting some sweet fellatio back in his private room.

If a WOMAN invites an undercover male cop back to her Tulsa hotel room for a blowjob, is she going to be arrested too? Un-fucking-likely. No, it's easier to believe that that's a cop who'll be getting a blowjob that night and telling his buddies all about it the next day.

Didn't our Supreme Court tell all the fuckwads -- yes, even you, Oklahoma -- that our gay sex is just wonderful and we can't be punished no way no how for such fevered, moist, throbbing, thrusting, salty delicious, explosive mansex? How can asking someone if they'd like to do something perfectly legal a crime? Hello, ACLU? Anyone?

Next time a hetero man comes on to an uninterested woman in a bar in Tulsa ("hey, gorgeous, wanna go back to my hotel room and get crazy?"), I want that fucker arrested too.

FBI Still Spying on The Gays -- J.Edgar Hoover Spinning, Giddy as a Schoolgirl, in His Grave

2005-12-20T09:37:00.000-08:00

Why are we surprised by shit like this anymore?

If you are part of a student group protesting the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Get Caught Blowing Your Bunkmate" policy, you are probably being watched by our very own American spies. (OK, so technically this was the Defense Department spying but, come on, you know the FBI has their homo files wide open again too.)

The gay student group at NYU Law School has been classified as "possibly violent" by the geniuses at the Pentagon. Can you imagine a less violent group than the risk-averse, academic over-achieving queer law students at NYU?

And a gay kiss-in at UC-Santa Cruz was deemed a "credible threat" of terrorism. A kiss-in. In beach-hippie Santa Cruz. Terrorism. What the fuck?!? The Gays kissing is only terrifying to those U.S. domestic spies who are personally freaked out by the possibility of becoming aroused when ogling said hot homo action.

Federal agent assigned to spying on The Gays:
"Oh my God, they are planning on kissing each other, in public! Where I will witness every sweet embrace, every soft caressing tongue and lips joining together, every sexy young moist homo mouth hungrily entering and devouring each other. Oh, mercy! It is highly likely that this will Terrify me. Yes, it is a threat. A credible threat of terrifying -- and absolutely unforgettable -- arousal."

There's Plenty of Anger to Go Around

2005-12-20T09:31:00.000-08:00

Your comments fuel this Angry Gay's fever of rage.

Thanks, and please feel free to share -- remember, anger loves company.

Ancient Egyptian Homo Couple ... or Conjoined Twins! Yeah, that's the ticket.

2005-12-19T20:53:00.000-08:00

So 4,300 years ago, two fabulous Egyptian men fashioned a tomb for themselves, complete with a carved image of them embracing in the most sacred chamber of the tomb. Except for them being two men, this elite tomb looks just like the tombs of other prominent men who were depicted with their wives -- in close embrace, holding hands, nose kissing. Oh, and they were professional manicurists. To the king.

So since this discovery in 1964, scholars have been baffled -- baffled! -- by what it all might mean. Leading theories have been that the men were brothers, or twins, or identical twins. The latest theory is that they were conjoined twins! Nevermind that the men also appear separately in the art -- as in NOT CONJOINED. And that they apparently died at different times.

Are you fucking kidding me, Egyptologist homo-hating losers?!?

Are you familiar with the theory that the simplest explanation is probably the correct one? It's Occam's Razor, bitches. These two wildly successful manicurists loved each other, and not like brothers, or twins, or whatever else you might imagine to avoid the fucking most obvious conclusion.

These are the same kind of historians who have contorted evidence beyond all reasonable interpretation to deny same-sex love throughout recorded history.

Gilgamesh and Enkidu, from the very first recorded story? "Really close friends, and symbolically mirroring ... blah fucking blah ...." They were LOVERS, bitches.

Achilles and Patroclus? "Really close friends, sharing a kind of noble and non-erotic love ... blah fucking blah ...." LOVERS!

Ford Motor Company to AFA: "You lose, Don Wildmon. We'll always love The Gays."

2005-12-14T20:50:00.000-08:00

A huge HA-fucking-HA to the crazies at the American Family Association after Ford Motor Co. today bent over backwards -- thank you very much -- to show that they will continue to support The Gays and ... ummm ... still want us to buy their stuff.

Gee, no comment yet from head loon Don Wildmon or his minions.

Suck it, bitches. You lost.

Homosex-Obsessed American Family Association Shoving a Kraft and Walgreens Boycott Down Our Throats

2005-12-06T18:08:00.000-08:00

Perhaps inspired by Focus on Family's losing strategy with Wells Fargo (see post below), the AFA crazies are trying to boycott Kraft foods and Walgreens because the companies support The Gays.

They've contributed to the Gay Games, a popular athletic competition. (But don't call it the Gay Olympics! That's another angry post.)

But the AFA isn't thinking about sports, they're fixated on all of the "subsequent activities" that they keep thinking and thinking must be going on during the Gay Games. Says Randy Sharp, AFA's director of isn't-that-special projects, "With this many people, we expect an increase in the bar scene, and we expect a lot of anonymous sexual encounters ... in fact, it's all we can think about. I'm up all night just thinking about hot, anonymous sexual encounters with all kinds of muscular gay men. We expect a lot of this sweaty action and we will be extremely disappointed if that's not what we find when we attend the Gay Games after-parties."

OK, I made up the second part. But he really said the first part. Leave it to the AFA to go from athletic competition to lots of gay sex, and "the bar scene."

How long before those poor children being raised by the AFA fundamentalists are crying out for their damn Mac & Cheese? It ain't right.

Wells Fargo to Focus on Family: "Fuck Off, Go to Omaha"

2005-12-06T17:58:00.000-08:00

Shocked that San Francisco-based Wells Fargo has given money to The Gays, the Focus on Family crazies threatened to take their ball and go home.

Wells Fargo didn't give a fuck, and now FoF has their filthy lucre stashed at the First National Bank of Omaha. Good riddance.

I hope the Focus on Family bitches don't wear Levis or shop at babyGap.

Gays to Robbie Williams: "... and we STILL don't care about your straight ass"

2005-12-06T17:49:00.000-08:00

Brit singer Robbie Williams -- still desperately not famous in the U.S. -- is a warrior for justice. After being flirty and coy about his sexuality for years, and recently showing his pee pee on his website, he was apparently outraged that some magazines claimed he had had some man-on-man action. And he just won his lawsuit!

Probably with compelling declarations like this one from his lawyer: "Mr. Williams is not, and has never been, homosexual."

Bitch, get over yourself. We are not, and never have been, interested.

Oklahoma No OK Homo

2005-12-05T20:30:00.000-08:00

What the fuck is in that corn? Maybe genetically modified grains are making some people extra crazy in the heartland. Noooo, they just hate The Gays.

Health care, schools, and the local economy must be fantastic in Oklahoma, because the state's legislators had loads of time to focus on Saving The Children from roving homos looking to ... umm, take care of children who need parents. Last April, they passed a law that not only barred gays from adopting in Oklahoma (any crazy state -- hi Florida! -- can do that) but also went all the way and said that their state would not even recognize any adoption by a gay couple that happened anywhere else.

So, if me and the hubby are driving cross country, somehow manage to make an unbelievably stupid turn and head into Oklahoma (perhaps hoping to catch Hugh Jackman singing in a field somewhere), then have a car accident that requires police assistance ...

The Gays: "Officer, thanks for your help."
OK cop: "Whose kids are in the back seat?"
The Gays: "They are our kids."
OK cop: "Not in this state, bitches."

And our children are then, what, considered parentless and taken into protective custody?!? If there was no adoption, the kids have no parents.

But Lambda Legal is on the case! This law is fucked up in a few different Constitutional senses, and Lambda's crackerjack lawyers are not having it.

But here's the sweet spot of rage: Oklahoma says they needed to pass this law to "protect Oklahoma children from being targeted for adoption by gay couples across the nation." That's where my head exploded. If not for this law, wouldn't we all -- right now -- be figuring out a way to get us some of them superior Oklahoma babies? No, not those scrawny Arkansas babies or Alabama's sorry excuses for adoptable children, I'm talking about OKLAHOMA children, bitches. From Maine to Washington state, from West Hollywood to Miami, the nation's gay couples would be targeting those children of The Sooner State.

Was this the thinking? --> "If we don't refuse to recognize families with gay parents and children who were adopted in other states (we can't see you! you're not real to us!), then all the wannabe gay parents are going to think we love the idea and then the Oklahoma-child-targeting will begin."

I hope the judge scolded them for being idiots or liars. Or at least laughed at how desperate they are to cover up their hatred of The Gays.
Fuck you, Oklahoma.

Hooray for South Africa Getting Gay Marriage ... But That Reminds Me of Something Else That Pisses Me Off

2005-12-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

The glorious high court of South Africa ruled today that the government cannot keep marriage rights from gay couples. So let's take a moment -- press [pause] on the Angry torrent -- and savor a bit of justice from yet another country more civilized than the United States (and remember, the Massachusetts gay marriage decision was written by South African-born and -raised Margaret Marshall).
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OK, that's enough for now. The court gave parliament a year to make the necessary legal changes. So another year of unfairness. Hope no South African coupled homo has a medical emergency or dies in the next year.

How fucking long does it take to change a few nouns, to amend a bunch of legal provisions, to print some new forms? I'd give the bitches 2 months and that's it. Move on.

But gay activists there are concerned that the year delay will give opponents time to try to water down the marriage ruling somehow. Of course they'll try something, including the desperate backup plan of offering "civil unions" that are exactly the same as marriage except are not called "marriage."

And that's what reminded me of this long-simmering rage: I can't stand you people anymore! Take the fucking term "Marriage" and KEEP IT! Preserve it, defend it, protect it, like you're always wringing your hands about ... do whatever the fuck else you want with it. It's tainted by now anyway, with the stink of its men-owning-women history and the putridness of its myriad contemporary failings (not to mention its association with you gay-hating freaks as its Biggest Defenders).

Just give us the same rights and call it whatever you want: civil union, domestic partnership, sodomite duo, deviant coupling (that would be my favorite), I don't even care. Separate but equal is sounding pretty good these days. "Marriage" -- your precious word and institution and sacred rite and tradition and superiority and smugness and stench -- you can keep it separate and special for you, bitches. I just want what's mine: exactly the same bundle of legal goodies.

Clarification: Wisconsin Thinks The Gays are Icky

2005-11-29T22:45:00.000-08:00

Et tu, Wisconsin?

Jumping into the anti-gay-marriage constitutional amendment gangbang, the Wisconsin legislature just held a hearing that will likely bring their proposed state amendment to the ballot.

Some idiotic Republicans have said that Wisconsin's current law is too vague on the issue, and that the amendment will only clear things up. OK, here's the current law: "Wisconsin law defines marriage as a union between a man and a wife." Excuse me? I'm waiting for the vague part, bitches. They say that it needs to say ONE man and ONE woman ... apparently in some perverse reading of plain English "a" man could really mean "more than one" man.

Wisconsin deli customer: "I would like a slice of cheese."

Wisconsin Republican deli clerk: "Do you mean you want 5 slices of cheese."

Customer: "No, fool, I said A SLICE, and everyone knows that means just ONE!"

Oh, wait a minute ... what's this I see? It seems that the amendment would not only "clarify" that mystifying marriage definition, it would also keep Wisconsin gays from having any marriage-kind-of rights like civil unions or domestic partnerships can provide.

Now that clears things up.

[read on for one more from the State of Cheeseheads]

Wisconsin State Rep. Mark Gundrum is a Prick

2005-11-29T22:41:00.000-08:00

So back in Wisconsin, saving the world from all things gay, is Mark Gundrum. A 35-year-old Republican state representative -- and Catholic father of five (!) -- Gundrum is co-author of the proposed constitutional ban on gay marriage-or-anything-like-it.

Here's why an anti-gay-marriage amendment is so important, according to this genius: (1) To help teens, who might be confused if schools had to teach that there are families with gay parents. (2) To protect society from gay parents, who can't provide children with something called "gender equality".

Now I'm really angry.

First of all, you putz, families with gay couples raising children exist whether your bigot state lets those couples marry or not. If your public schools are teaching about the kinds of families that exist, they should already be mentioning the fact that -- gasp! -- some Wisconsin kids have two moms. I'm guessing The Teens (a nice variation on protecting The Children) are not at all confused.

Second, and more to the point: what the fuck are you talking about?!? "Gender equality"? I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you aren't talking about the idea that men and women can more or less do the same things. I think what you meant was "stereotypical, rigid gender roles." Oh, think of The Children! No, don't review the research that shows children of gay parents to be equally or more psychologically healthy than children of straights.

And you feel the need to protect society itself from gay parents? Gay parents exist, bitches, with or without this amendment. This is one of the stupidest justifications the anti-gay Republican bigots have come up with yet.

Representative Gundrum, I think you're just an asshole. Go home and help your wife with all those damn kids. Society needs to be protected from morons like you.

United Arab Emirates Government Officials: Bigoted AND Stupid

2005-11-28T19:19:00.000-08:00

So police in the United Arab Emirates arrested a bunch of men at a party that was apparently all about celebrating committed gay relationships. Of course, being gay is itself illegal in that backwards country. That's not the newsflash.

It's this: part of the punishment of men convicted of homosex (and I imagine it's only men because their fucked up minds don't even conceive of women having sexuality or sex that might not include men), is not just prison time but also hormone treatments. Yes, according to Gay.com, these stupid officials believe that hormones can turn gay men straight.

Umm, I'm really curious what hormones they have in mind. The news report didn't say. But it couldn't be estrogen type hormones, right, because they certainly would never want to cure a man by making him more feminine in that country. So is it testosterone, on the theory that more masculine men are always hetero men?!? They are going to have some horny and aggressive homos at the end of that "treatment". This has to be one of the dumbest things I've heard in a long time.

Evil, demented, inhumane, and utterly stupid. Nice going, UAE. I expect nothing less.

Which Part of "Wife Swap" Did You Think Was NOT Going to Be Embarrassing?!?

2005-11-21T19:29:00.000-08:00

This one is pathetic, even by reality TV standards.

Poor Jeffrey Bedford, of Loserville, Oklahoma, is suing ABC for 10 million dollars because he went on "Wife Swap" and got stuck with a gay man for a week. Now, in my understanding of the show, blowjobs and such are optional with the new "spouse". If you're not into the swapped wife (or her big cock), or he's not into you, no problemo, right? You just hang out for a week and try not to be a total jerk.

No, this Bible-studying Baptist claims he was humiliated and embarrassed. Well add stupid to his list of adjectives, because public humiliation and embarrassment are what reality TV is all about. Boo fucking hoo. And get this: ABC hasn't even broadcast that episode. And get this #2: the agreement he apparently signed states right there, the swapped spouse could be male or female.

This guy gives lawsuits a bad name. Looks like here's a guy who thought he was all groovy -- gonna be on TV! -- and learned he was just a putz who wilted with upset when face-to-face with a real live Gay. You made your bed, bitch. I hope ABC gets attorneys' fees from this loser.

The Tipping Point --> We Win

2005-11-15T15:34:00.000-08:00

Why are the crazies soooo opposed to gay marriage and gay people raising children? (You do know that they're coming after gay adoption next, right?)

We can't minimize their plain old disgust, religious homohatred, fear of difference, blah blah etc. But it seems to me that on some level -- and certainly among their leaders -- the crazies know and can feel that we have just passed the tipping point. They are apoplectic. There are at least 1 million and perhaps as many as 6 million children being raised by gay/lesbian parents in the U.S. right now. We marry, whether our government grants us rights or not. We procreate, we adopt, we find a way to be parents if that is our desire. And our children have friends. Our children and their friends will one day have children, and in one brief generation this country will have millions more people who count gays and lesbians as parents and grandparents and in-laws and family friends, added to those who already value us as full citizens.

We have seeded the future. The crazies know it's over for them. Unfortunately, we have to live through their violent death throes. Stubborn bastards.

Dear Pontiff: What the fuck?!?

2005-11-14T17:26:00.000-08:00

Someone please explain how the Catholic church [I'll give them the proper noun capital C, but they're not getting one for church] can basically ban gay men from joining the priesthood without also kicking out gay men who already are priests?

That's just stupid.

If you've decided that gay men can't join your club, how can you keep the queers you've got?

At least the U.S. military is consistent: no new openly gays, and every current gay who comes out gets booted. Oh, wait a minute. Maybe the U.S. military-political bigots would sing a different tune if UP TO HALF of servicemembers were gay. That's right, American Catholic priests are estimated to be at least 25% and as many as 50% homo. (And that's not even looking at all the lady-lovin' nuns.)

So we know why the Roman Catholic bosses aren't going to ask gay priests to leave, but how can they explain this inconsistency without looking unprincipled, self-serving, and/or idiotic?

Gay Catholic Priests "Increasingly Disturbed"...

2005-11-14T16:30:00.000-08:00

...so says the AP headline today. More quotes from priests, and I couldn't resist.

As is their way, the Catholic church's leaders keep leaking more details of their upcoming pronouncement keeping The Gays out of seminaries. No (new) gay priests.

I had a great friend who was once a gay seminarian but left before being ordained. He had many, many gay friends in the priesthood. When he died at a young age from cancer, his memorial service was conducted by a fleet of more-or-less-obviously-gay priests, joined by all the old-timer priests in his hometown church. His partner sat in front and their loving relationship was repeatedly acknowledged with truth and respect from the pulpit. So I know, of course gay priests (and straight priests) can be decent, loving, hardworking men of faith.

As their church becomes increasingly strident in its disdain for gay people, however, I'm going to have to agree with the AP: you gay priests must be "increasingly disturbed" to live the way you do.

"I prefer to work for justice in this area within the church structure," said one gay priest. OK, but it's not working, honey. They don't want your kind. Period.

Another kvetched, "But this is my family. You don't leave your family if there's a problem." Umm... yeah, you do. If they constantly tell you that there is something fundamentally wrong with you, and they don't want you around anymore, that's a good time to leave. Find a new family. One that, you know, actually loves you for who you are.

Waiting for the next crazy thing...

2005-11-13T19:53:00.000-08:00

Oh, there's the latest Catholic priest news, a smattering of election results (ha ha, Arnold), and a few other bits, but I'm mostly just waiting for the next stupid Republican gay-hating move to get me riled. Shouldn't be long now....

Sen. Sam Brownback (Crazy-KS)

2005-11-10T23:29:00.000-08:00

Casting about for other ways to Save The Family, Senator Brownback (whose name takes Santorum to a whole new level) now has his sights set on porn. The repressed- but-very-interested Gentleman from Kansas wasted a Senate subcommittee's time this week by talking a lot about pornography and looking for ways to get rid of it. Check out Salon's story at http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2005/11/11/porn_hearing/.

Apparently it's not enough to keep The Gays away from marriage. The delicate American family could also collapse at any minute from porn and the rampant masturbation it promotes. Senator Brownback would like to save heterosexual marriages by stamping out sexually stimulating images.

Where to begin?

For starters, there's the delicious irony that Senator Brownback and his curious colleague Senator Oral (sp?) Hatch would seem to be just fine with gay porn, focused as they are on the hetero-family damage caused by married men and women consuming porn. Or maybe that's another hearing for another day.

Even more delicious is this long-settled constitutional principle: plain old porn is a perfectly legal form of speech. You don't have to like it. You don't have to look at it. So hold as many hearings to talk about sex and masturbation as you like, Senator Brownbutt, but at the end of the day you can just suck our First Amendment-protected dick.

GAY MARRIAGE -- Boo! -- Pay No Attention to The Man Behind that Curtain

2005-11-10T18:17:00.000-08:00

The Republicans are back to work. No, not firing liars or leakers (hi, Turd Blossom!), not finding a way out of Iraq, not working on health care or the economy or anything like that. They are back to distracting the American people by bringing out their favorite boogeyman: The Gays Want To Marry Each Other! Still!

Got big problems? Approval numbers in the toilet? Then it must be time for that old "Marriage Protection Amendment".

Isn't this strategy becoming really, really obvious? I mean, even to the gay-haters who otherwise do actually care about the state of the world?

Approved for the Senate Judiciary Committee to waste its time on next week, the proposed amendment to our Constitution says that "Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman." And no rights of any marriage-type for The Gays [I paraphrase].

OK, bitches, you want to protect your Marriage? Here's what you do: while protecting it against The Gays, protect it against yourselves too. Heteros have affairs and destroy marriages. Heteros get bored or fat or angry and destroy marriages. Heteros beat their spouses and destroy marriages. If you've really got your undies in a bunch over Saving Marriage™, what you want is this: “Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the monogamous, non-abusive union of a man and a woman for life.”

Yeah. Didn't think so.

Gay Basher Killed By Targeted Gay

2005-11-10T18:02:00.000-08:00

Though regularly angry, I'm generally not in favor of anyone killing anyone else (including the government killing people). But self defense has always been another story.

Seven thugs chased and attacked gay 21-year-old Lucas Dawson on his way to catch a bus in Philadelphia. Wouldn't you be frightened for your life? How many gay people have been attacked and killed by thugs? More than a few. So Lucas Dawson used a little knife to fight off one of his attackers and, guess what, that gay-basher died as a result.

I'm sure it's a tragedy in many ways, but I can't help think that if this were widely publicized -- "The Gays Are Very Likely To Kill Their Attackers" -- then maybe violent thugs would think twice. And if it happened over and over again -- "Trained in Self Defense, The Gays Keep Killing Their Bashers" -- then maybe we'd see a real change.

Spokane's Formerly-Online Mayor

2005-11-08T17:55:00.000-08:00

Mayor Jim West of Spokane is in a pickle. Fighting for his political life, he is now faced with evidence that he -- gasp! -- visited Gay.com! 56 times! At the office! Many of those visits required a username and password! He looked at ... images.

West recently told the AP, "I wish I had never gone online at all. I just wish I hadn't. I scratch my head today. I can't tell you why."

Are you fucking kidding me? I can tell you why, Mr. Mayor: you were looking for some hot mansex. You were itching for some sweet man-on-man action, hungry for cock, hankering for a long deep slow open-mouthed kiss with a beautiful young man. Or maybe you were resigned to just looking at those beautiful young men's pictures online.

But "I can't tell you why"? Oh please. Just own it, bitch.

The District Attorney of Miami County in Kansas is an Asshole

2005-11-07T18:55:00.000-08:00

Did you see this one, about poor Matthew Limon who spent the last five years in prison for having consensual sex with a 14-year-old boy when he was 18?

OK, whatever you think about the age gap, he could only have been sentenced to a maximum of 15 months if his underage sex buddy had been female. But he was sentenced to 17 years. In PRISON.

Even the state supreme court judges in a place like Kansas could see that this was completely unfair. So -- hurray for the ACLU! -- they recently ruled that it was unconstitutional to treat the young gay lovers more severely than the young heteros. Great news, right? He's just out of prison, back home with his family, wronged but vindicated.

But wait ... this poor guy is now under house arrest while waiting to be resentenced under the just-like-young-heteros law. He has already served way more time in actual prison than he could possibly be resentenced to, but the fuckwad prosecuting attorney for Miami County, Kansas -- who was all for the original 17-years-in-prison sentence -- is "deciding his next move."

His next move?!? Your next move is a fucking apology, bitch. A really big apology. Maybe even asking for forgiveness. You were horribly, viciously wrong, and you lost. Go away. Leave him alone.

"Intelligent Design"

2005-11-06T15:59:00.000-08:00

Let's have the crazies teach their it's-not-creationism-because-we-don't-
mention-God idea in schools. Because it's not an actual scientific theory and it has no evidence to evaluate, that should take about, what ... 5 minutes? It's an assertion.

Here's a 30 second rebuttal: Nipples on men. Earlobes. Nocturnal emissions. Not to mention backbones that are horrible for walking upright.

Now, I can see how an Intelligent Designer would give men nipples just for the pleasure of it and design nocturnal emissions as a reminder that men need regular release just for the bliss of it, but I doubt "ID" supporters would consider any sexual pleasure not essential to procreation to be a valid part of the unnamed Designer's plan.

And if you believe that sex is designed just for procreation, what is so Intelligent about wet dreams? All that wasted seed!

So before we even get to the ample and scientifically persuasive evidence for evolution, the Intelligent Design idea fails on its own terms, awash in a sea of male nipple pleasure and sticky sheets.

Bush-Voters Who Now Don't Approve of His Job Performance

2005-11-06T09:15:00.000-08:00

With Bush II's approval ratings in the toilet, there must be millions of people who voted for him and now don't think he's a good President.

The rest of us I feel sorry for -- but you, bitches, you're getting what you deserve. Maybe if you had actually paid attention and used your brains that were at least minimally educated by our pathetic schools, you might have surmised that Bush II was not very bright and not very hardworking and not very ... what's the word? ... capable of leading our nation.

Maybe if you hadn't been played like predictable, idiot pawns -- Ohh! The Gays are trying to get married everywhere! They must be stopped, because that is just so icky and it would make Baby Jesus cry! The war, what? That is foreign and confusing. I'm just going to go to the polls and stop The Gays, just like my pastor told me! -- then maybe we wouldn't be in such a mess right now.

"Restore honor and dignity to the White House" my ass. Stupid Bush-voting Americans.

And another thing: Gay Catholic Priests

2005-11-03T20:04:00.000-08:00

Here's a choice quote from some scared, anonymous gay American priest, reacting with horror -- horror! -- to the Catholic Church's latest campaign to keep The Gays out of the priesthood: "I've spoken to gay priests who feel demoralized. I've heard straight priests say that they're embarrassed by it. I've heard priests both straight and gay seriously considering leaving. They couldn't believe that after centuries of either explicit or implicit welcoming of celibate gay clergy that the church would turn its back on them."

Well then you haven’t been paying attention, bitches. That church does not like gay people. “Intrinsically disordered.” “Having homosexual parents does real violence to children.” Where the fuck have you been? Oh, but now the Catholic big bosses are coming after YOU, and suddenly you’re demoralized and shocked.

Note to Catholic gays and their gay priests: Leave. That. Church. How many ways can an organization say “we don’t want you here”? Wake up, and get over yourselves with that “one true religion” bullshit. It isn’t, and they don’t want your gay ass.

Leave, and gut that church.

P.S. Who do they think designed all of those lovely churches and dramatic rituals? Without The Gays for the past 2000 years, Catholics today would be worshipping in bland rooms with fluorescent lighting, while their priests in tacky brown polyster suits recite clunky phrases during lackluster Sunday services.
Ingrates.

Maria Schwarzenegger

2005-11-03T19:42:00.000-08:00

Her Kennedy pass has expired. Done.

What good is having a Kennedy Democrat thatclose to our Repuglican Governor if she can't even get him to allow the historic gay marriage legislation to become law? And I remember that vapid "The Gay 90s" program she did way back when -- at least she seemed to like The Gays, smiling at our wedding photo albums and being all interested and everything. Was it all about the ratings, Maria? Oh, is that all we ever meant to you?

And I don't want to hear word one about your husband. Your husband blocked me and my husband from getting our damn rights in this state. And you stood there, supporting him.

I don't care anymore who your Daddy was, because it's obvious who your Daddy is now. We're over.

It's on

2005-11-03T18:24:00.000-08:00

You're not reading The Charming Gay
or The Harmless Loveable Gay.

This isn't The Drunk-and-Inappropriately-Sexually-Aggressive Gay or, no one's favorite, Old Sad 'n Tired Gay.

This is The Angry Gay™, bitches, and I have HAD it.